Golf

“I am Tiger Woods!” - The Sequel

Oh, these are the times I wish I was a video producer or writer for Saturday Night Live…

Setting: Elementary School.

An ad clip opens with a 7-year old boy of a non-descript race stating: “I am Tiger Woods!”

 

(Background music is a chorus of highly pitched Gregorian chants)

The camera then pans to a shot of the kid hitting golf balls at a driving range, followed by shots of him and his friends carrying golf bags through city streets.

 

“I am Tiger Woods,” each of them states emphatically, including a cute little blond-haired girl.  

From there, the scene shifts to the classroom where the kid is being passed a folded note from a sly looking red-headed girl sitting behind the 7-year old boy in class.

The kid sheepishly opens the folded note to see two check boxes, one labeled “yes”, the other “no”. Above that it is scribbled in blue crayon: “Do you luve me? XOXOXO”

The camera then pans to the next row of students where the blond is now a perturbed little girl, tapping her foot and giving the 7-year old boy the stink eye.

The next shot is at recess where this perturbed girl is chasing the boy from his bike with a toy golf club in her hand. He hands her his lunch money.

From there, the camera shows the boy “cooling off” his busted lip by letting cold water from the hallway water fountain flow while he leans over it.

 

His best friend is then seen trying to tell the teacher what happened, explaining that it was a bike accident caused when he hit a tree root near the swing set. The teacher is skeptical but gives him a pass, agreeing to punish him by only making him sit out next recess.

 

The blond-headed little girl is then shown counting her lunch money.   

 

The final scene is of the black-eyed kid, barely being able to talk through his swollen lip: “I um Tibuh Bwoods.”

 

Fade to black.

 

Now that would be some fine cinema.

© 2009 Teflon Don Sports.